Sorry for neglecting you the last two weeks. Due to difficulties to fall asleep every night one week straight, I am too exhausted to fully contribute myself to you and my studies. Nonetheless, due to my sleepless nights, I was able to shift my field of research to a more practical one. I used the nocturnal hours I have been sleep driven waiting in bed to conduct a (participant) observation, and took field notes on a panda sleeping next to me in bed along the way. Due to time constraints I will summarize the most important events of the last seven nights.
Place: bedroom, queen-size bed, 2 sets of pillow and sheet.
Involved individuals: Betty (author), lying on the right side; Mr. Panda (observed object), lying on the left side
November 7th, 2015
01:13am: Mr. Panda lies on his back. He starts snoring. I sigh, I am already used to it.
I call his name to wake him to ask him to roll over. He does not react.
I try to roll him on his side with all my might. I fail, but I am used to that too.
Surprisingly he wakes up, I ask him to roll over. He does so. He instantly starts to snore again.
I cuddle myself next to him, put my arm around him, and hold his nose.
My theory: He will open his mouth, breath through his mouth and stop snoring.
Findings: He does not.
I release his nose. He breathes in deeply, and starts to snore again.
01:45am: I start another attempt.
I try to call his name to wake him up. He does not.
I slightly slap his face while calling his name to wake him up. He does not.
I shake him while I slightly slap his face while calling his name to wake him up. He finally wakes up for a few seconds of my earthquake-like moves. I tell him to stop snoring. Gladly he does.
November 8th, 2015
01:34am: Mr. Panda rolls on over on his back and starts to snore.
As he is heavier than me it is impossible for me to roll him over. So I try to wake him so I can ask him to lie on his side.
As proven effective the night before I shake him while slightly slapping him while calling his name.
He wakes up and ask me what is going on. I ask him to lie on his side so he will stop snoring.
He answers ‘yes’ and falls asleep again right away and resumes the snoring.
I start with the whole procedure again. As he wakes up again, I ask him the same thing again.
He answers ‘yes’ again. I tell him ‘No you did not!!!’. He answers ‘Yes I did!’.
He continues to sleep and snore.
Sleep driven and angry I hit him with my pillow until he wakes up and asks ‘Huuuhh?? What is going on???’.
Like a mad dog I scream he must lie on his side right away, or he has to sleep in the living room from now on.
Not understanding what I am so mad about he lies down on his side and falls asleep right away. Gladly without starting to snore again.
November 10th, 2015
12:30am: Mr. Panda comes to bed and wants me to scratch his back. As he did not ask me the nights before, I scratch him without complaining. He lies diagonally on the bed and over my stomach as I start to scratch him.
He is playing a tower defense game on the IPad.
12:37am: Mr. Panda suddenly falls asleep. And starts to snore.
12:45am: I try to stop him snoring. I hold his nose.
Second theory: He will open his mouth, breathe through his mouth and stop snoring if I just hold his nose long enough.
Findings: He does after I long time, but I feel guilty for choking him off awfully long.
He stops to snore for a few seconds and starts to snore again.
I feel like crying. And like hitting him.
I shake him while slightly slapping him while calling his name to wake him up. As he wakes up I ask him to lie down on his side of the bed. He does.
12:58am: He rolls on his back and starts to snore again. I start to record him so I can prove how awfully loud he is the next morning.
01:01am: After recording him with my smartphone, I am up to stop him from snoring once again.
I put my two of my fingers in his mouth to open it and hold his nose again.
I thought he might then start to breathe through his mouth again and stop snoring. He does not.
I release his nose from my grasp. He resumes to breathe through his nose and starts to snore once again.
I feel devastated.
01:09am: I kick his legs and shake him to make him stop. He does not.
I kick his legs and shake him again to make him stop. He does not.
I kick his legs while shaking him while screaming in anger. He does not react at all and continuous his snoring. He starts to grind his teeth.
I am wiped out.
01:20am: I turn on the light, shake him, slap his face hard and scream ‘YOU =)(%§(/Z% §(%)§=§($ WAKE UP!!!!!!!!’
Utterly confused he asks what is going on, but is on the merge of falling asleep again.
I do not stop shaking him and calling his name as he finally starts to move over. Gladly before he falls asleep again.
I quickly like down really close to him. I push him over with all my strength. He still moves as slowly as possible.
01:25am: He, finally lying on his side, finally stopped to snore and I was able to fall asleep.
November 12th, 2015
12:50am: Mr. Panda comes to bed and lies down next to me after I begged him not to lie down onto me again as almost every night.
He starts to play his tower defense game on the IPad, I try to fall asleep. Of course I cannot fall asleep.
01:15am: He puts the IPad on the nightstand, switches off the light and cuddles himself to me. I am still wide awake.
01:20am: I ask him to face away from me so I can lie close to his back because I feel cold.
He falls asleep right away and starts to snore. I cuddle myself close to his back.
As I do not feel sleepy at all I let him snore and do not care.
01:35am: He obviously has a stuffed nose so he cannot breathe through his nose anymore.
I expect him to breathe through his mouth soon again. He does not. I am waiting.
After an awfully long time he gasps for air without waking up.
I feel bad for him and wake him up so he can blow his nose.
He blows his nose and sleeps again without continuing to snore.
November 13th, 2015
12:23am: Mr. Panda asks me to scratch his back. I tell him I don’t want to.
He tries to sweet-talk me into doing it, and lies down diagonally on the bed and over my stomach.
I whine because of the pressure he puts on my stomach. He changes his position to make me feel as comfortable as possible.
I scratch his back, but he falls asleep after a few minutes while still lying on me. I do not care.
12:31am: He starts to snore. As soon as I want to tape him again, he wakes up, crawls over, and lies down on his back on his side of the bed and falls asleep once again right away.
I wake him up right away to ask him to lie down on his side so he will not start to snore.
He moves on his side, facing the opposite direction from me really slowly, and falls asleep right away again.
I roll myself up next to him so he will not suddenly roll over on his back and start to snore again.
01:28am: He starts to snore although he is lying on his side.
01:31am: He does not stop snoring by himself, so I put my left hand’s index finger in his mouth.
He does not stop to snore, but starts to chew on it. I take it out again and he still continues snoring. I do not care because I do not feel like sleeping anyway.
01:58am: I move away from him and he rolls over on his back. He suddenly stops to snore.
I am finally able to firsthand experience and document a rare case of ‘reverse snoring state’ in the name of science. I am stunned.
02:18am: Mr. Panda snores like there is no tomorrow. I am sure the neighbors can hear him too.
It is impossible for me to sleep. I take half a sleeping pill for the first time. I finally fall asleep a few minutes afterwards.
1. Talk to Mr. Panda about possibilities to stop his snoring. (Nose clip, separated bedrooms,
2. Must find a way to fall asleep tonight more easily as soon as possible.
– Methods tried, but did not work so far: sports, alcohol, meditation, abstaining from caffeine-containing drinks
– Methods tried which worked: prescription drugs (Note: are definitely no option)
– Must try as soon as possible: hot milk with honey, special herb tea
Please note: Mr. Panda does not get harmed at night (expect for some irregular ninja kicks and Kung Fu elbow punches). He snores due to anatomic reasons (deviated septum) and gladly does not suffer otherwise because of it.