I am currently visiting my very good Japanese friend in Japan, while Mr.Panda stays at home back in Vienna. I am having a great time together with my friend, we are taking short day trips around Japan and are having lots of fun. Yesterday on the bus, we eventually started to talk about marriage. “I am so glad that we can travel  together so much these days. After your marriage, you won’t have time for me anymore!”, my friend suddenly said.

Surprised by her statement, I asked her why she thought like that. Mr. Panda and I are dating for seven years now. And although we are not married yet, we do not plan to break up or change anything about our life in the near future. The years we are spending together without being married just summed up over time without us realizing. And although we are not married yet, we are living together for more than six years now. What would change after we married? My last name? Even that is not decided yet. We already spend our “newly wed’s” time together, we travelled together and moved together – we already did almost everything together what is said to be a big challenge to a relationship. And we survived it together.

So, what would actually change after our marriage? Will I then be forbidden for me to travel alone with my friend? Would Mr.Panda suddenly not trust me anymore? Will there be new responsibilities  imposed on me I don’t know about yet? Or am I just too blue eyed to think that my carefree life will go on like this?

We elaborately talked about why Japanese are so focused on weddings, and somehow the thought if being left over being in young Japanese women’s minds is being stronger than ever. My friend, who is the same age as me, is already close to thirty and already desperate about finding someone she can marry. As for me, raised by middle European standards, I don’t feel like being leftover, just because I am not married (yet).

I consider myself lucky to be in a stable and loving relationship, and that I don’t need to bind Mr.Panda to me by law. If that would actually work is questionable anyway. We can be happy together like a stupid lovey dovey couple every day, and we both know that the other one stays with us because they want to.

Still, I have developed the urge of wanting to marry him lately, making it even more impossible for him to escape, not with my charme only, but with one ring – THE RING – too.

Just some strange thoughts on cultural differences about marriage in Austria and Japan, by a Jetlag afflicted Betty.

Or… does my friend think I will get pregnant as soon as we are married??? Oh oh!!!

“After marriage, you won’t have time for me anymore!” – Some thoughts on marriage in Japan
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9 thoughts on ““After marriage, you won’t have time for me anymore!” – Some thoughts on marriage in Japan

  • September 12, 2015 at 6:35
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    I think your friend needn’t worry that getting married would keep you from seeing her. Even if you get pregnant, you can still visit her–although traveling with a baby is a lot more work.

    Reply
    • September 12, 2015 at 17:25
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      I think so too. If we really want to see each other, we’ll work it out somehow.

      We resumed our conversation just now, and she said that it would be impossible for her to travel with husband and child if the husband didn’t agree. So I hope that her future husband will be open for some nice traveling 😀

      Reply
  • September 13, 2015 at 20:12
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    In one way or another, marriage does change your relationship. It’s not bad nor good, but just different. As a newly wed, I thought we knew enough about each other that nothing would surprise me, but even still I think things just subtly change. However, I’m not sure what she thinks will prevent you from seeing her. As long as you can make time for her, there shouldn’t be any problem ^^

    Reply
    • September 18, 2015 at 9:30
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      Maybe she just thinks I will handle the situation the “Japanese way”, but for this our relationship is just too unusual. 🙂
      I am too “genki” for only staying at home.

      Reply
  • September 18, 2015 at 13:42
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    My husband and I have been married for ten years and actually, not much has changed since marriage. We still spend time with our friends – he goes cycling with his buddies and I usually meet up for dinner or coffee with my friends regularly. I don’t think you or your friend have anything to worry about!

    Reply
    • September 18, 2015 at 14:29
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      Apparently I think so too. I will show you her comment, maybe your words will assure you more than mine. Thanks 🙂

      Reply
  • October 1, 2015 at 4:57
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    I don’t see any reason why your friendship would be different. I’m still close to my friends from college. But my super religious friends who married young? Yeah, I cried at their weddings because I knew they would be focused on husband, church and children. And I was right. Not much time left for friends with a different lifestyle.

    Reply
    • October 1, 2015 at 10:57
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      Maybe she just assumed that it would be like with her Japanese friends who lock themselves in at home and ony live to serve their husband and children anymore.
      But that most likely won’t happen, it would drive me crazy. So maybe she just gets freaked out over nothing.

      Reply
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